how did i get here??

well, let me start off by saying that i’m currently in the financial industry and although i dig the peeps i work with and the job itself isn’t bad (hey, it pays the bills and provides health insurance!), it’s not my “thing”.  numbers, math, statistics, CUSTOMER SERVICE –  but at the time, i happened to need a job, my parents had an account with the firm i’m (currently) at, they mentioned it to their advisor and she informed them of an open assistant position in the office.  trust me, i didn’t go looking for this one, but as a single mom, you don’t have a choice.  you have to work.  in fact, i’ve had a slew of jobs leading up to my current position:  apartment management/leasing, retail, personal training, receptionist…you get the gist.  having not finished college or getting a degree, it’s been a slight struggle trying to figure out where i belong.  because…there’s gotta be something better, right?  this CAN’T be what i was destined for…finance?!

i know i’m not alone though…i think most people “fall” into their jobs or careers, often asking themselves at one point or another…how did i get here??  friends and family always ask me, “well paige, what do you want to do?  what are you good at?  what drives you?”  those questions always frustrate me, mainly because i really have no clear or concise answer.  i’m good at sales, i’m personable, i can be charming, i’m organized, i can type really fast, i’m a good writer, i get things done, i’m resourceful, i like fashion, i like to travel, i think i’m smart and savvy about the world around me…but see, while these characteristics may be important, employers don’t hire people based on that stuff.  besides, what job will allow me to put all my pros to use??  i don’t seem to have any REAL experience in anything, i don’t have a college degree…i only have a track record of jobs proving that i can keep one…for 3 to 4 years at least (and that i can do basic office work.)  so, while i may have traits that are somewhat enticing to employers, i can tell you what i’m not…i’m not customer service oriented.  in fact, i can be quite the bitch.  i find most people to be rude, condescending, pretentious, etc…and in my line of work…i see this a lot.  it’s hard for me to fake being nice for “customer service” purposes.  but alas, i have to.  my point is that i probably function better in a more solitary position – owning my own business, being my own boss…that sort of thing.  i’m also quite the day dreamer.  if i get stuck looking at something online (while at work)…forget it.  i’ve probably just forgot to do 5 things on my “task list”.  i’m just not super connected to the world of finance.  the market?  eh…it’s up, it’s down…so is everything else.  stocks and bonds…ummm…huh?  i’m not a gambling girl.  it just doesn’t click for me.  and let’s just say i did know exactly what i want to be when i grow up…i can’t just go out and get that job!  i’d have to go back to school and get a degree.  who has that kind of time?  i’m almost 30…i’m not getting any younger!

that being said, i’m starting something new and it begins with this blog (and possibly one or two others)…for months, i’ve been contemplating taking my obsessive online habits and turning them into something more substantial, like a legit hobby…something that excites me,  something that makes me feel alive, something that allows me to “belong”…and hopefully it’ll allow me to make a few extra bucks, as well!  so, i invite you to follow along as i document and share a new chapter of my life…


3 thoughts on “how did i get here??

  1. Pingback: worn – date night «

  2. i don’t even know who that girl is anymore…a year ago, she seemed very insecure. my job isn’t so bad. i should be lucky to have one in this economy! we all want that “dream job”, but really…as long as i’m taking care of taylor, putting food on our table, clothes on our back, a roof over our head…it works. blogging has become a hobby that has allowed me to escape from the daily grind. :)

  3. I so relate to this girl and the girl you are now. Being a single mom doesn’t allow for the whole find yourself, figure out your bliss thing. Things have to get done. I think that’s why I’m a bit adrift now. I’m to old for a quaterlife crisis and too young for midlife crisis but something’s…off. The kids are growing up and in 5yrs I will have an empty nest. I guess I’m trying to figure out what the means for me.Enough rambling:)

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