embrace.

howdy!
i hope your weekend treated you well.

as much as i hate (hate HATE) to admit it…the 75-80 degree weather was pleasantly awesome and fine by me.  i feel that november in california is quite spectacular, actually.  the sky is bluer than usual, the  leaves are gorgeous in color, and although it randomly heats up, there’s still a chill in the air that makes it okay [that it’s november and too warm.]  in all honesty, it was undeniably beautiful this past weekend.

wearing.
vintage tunic
vintage purse
jcrew matchstick cords
sandals – local boutique
headband – handmade by moi

saturday, i went shopping. 
not thrift store shopping. 
i went “never been worn, but not as cheap” shopping.

i felt like i was cheating on my beloved vintage/thrift, but it felt so good…

my goal was to buy a couple new pairs of pants (never been worn, modern styles).  because it seems as though my once 24/25 waistline is now a 26/27. 

i’m not complaining!  it’s just…i think i’m settling into my body and this is the size i am naturally supposed to be.  i’m okay with it.  i just need new pants!  to accommodate the curvy-er thighs.  and the rounder ass.

because here’s what i realized this weekend…

curves are okay.

and that may sound stupid to some or most of you, but it’s a new concept to me.  i’ve always been really thin and petite…boyishly at times; however, lately, i don’t want to work so hard at maintaining that.  i like to work out, go for the occasional run, hike a few miles on a nice day, but really…i’m 30…i can feel my body changing.  my metabolism isn’t quite the same, i have to work a tad harder to keep the chunk off the thighs and quite frankly…i don’t want to stress about my weight like i used to.  up until a couple of months ago…i would freak out if my pants felt a little snug.  but not anymore!

while shopping at the outlet stores on saturday, MP and i ventured into joe’s jeans.  after a few minutes of searching and an armful of jeans, i was approached by a younger [than me], quite handsome man of color…

“i’ll take those and start a room for you.  what type of jean are you looking for?”

me:  well, i’m not sure really.  i’m just looking.  the thing is…i have a pretty small waist, but i also have thighs and a booty…

“niiiice.” with a smirk.

that’s it.  that’s all i needed to feel awesome about my curvy-er thighs and bubbly-er butt.  i was sold and i hadn’t even tried on the jeans yet.  
  

 moral…learn to love your body.  it’s taken awhile for me to get to this point, but i’m finally embracing my natural body form.  and if my pants are getting a bit snug, i probably just need a different size.  big deal!  i’d rather be a size up than look like i stuffed my thighs into something too small.  and as long as i continue to work out a couple of times a week and watch what i eat…i won’t end up with saddlebags big enough to put my cell phone and lip gloss in. 

ps.  i chose to share this “self discovery” with you because it’s a great feeling to let my ridiculous body image issues go.  i realize that a waist size of 26/27 is still very small and that i’m still very petite….i’m not comparing myself to anyone else or saying that i’m fat because i’ve gone up a waist size.  i’m embracing, and i think you should, too.   

that being said, there’s a lot of talk in the style/fashion blogging community about body issues and insecurities…some girls feel more self-conscious because they follow bloggers who are model thin or have a perfect complexion, others worry that they don’t have as many readers because their legs are short and stubby [exaggerated example]…really?!  blogging is supposed to be a personal thing, a way to voice individuality…since when did it become a place for negativity/jealousy and wanting what others have?  maybe your talents lie elsewhere…in art or music or poetry…so show that!  and for all you know, although that model-thin blogger looks great in a pair of leather pants, it’s possible she dropped out of junior high school, has no teeth from drinking too much soda as a kid, and doesn’t know how to spell…

my point is, you can’t get wrapped up in outside appearances.  
learn to embrace your flaws.  it’ll make you more beautiful. 

[my two cents.]

xo, paige

afterthought…i realize i may sound like a freaking brat.  but i’m not.  i’m simply saying…we all have insecurities and issues.  mine happens to be a fear of having a huge ass and thighs.  i am only 5’3 and the women in my family tend to carry their weight below the waist.  so when i gain a little…i freak a little. 

in case you’re wondering…i bought 3 new pairs of pants this weekend.  in a size larger than usual.  and i’ve never felt more comfortable.  *wink*

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24 thoughts on “embrace.

  1. Word.

    I’ve recently been going through the same sort of thing. I used to be heavier, and a year ago I was thinner. But, you know what, I’m ok with what I look like now. Frankly, I like cookies. I want to eat them sometimes. So, I’m going to. I still work out and eat well because I’d like to live for a long time, but I’m not going to stress out about being a smidgy bit bigger than I used to be.

    Word.

  2. First, awesome title.
    Second, “niiice”.
    Third, Thanks, we all need a little reminder now and again to embrace who we are, dress for our body type/size/shape, and not compare ourselves to each other.

    PS I too, have the small waist-large butt action going on, and those lovely men of color always appreciate it, even when I don’t! :)

  3. bratty??!?! far from it! this is a topic i’ve thought about…a lot. i can totally relate to the metabolism/hormonal change. it sucks, but seriously – there is nothing i can do about it. well, except still try and maintain a healthy lifestyle, of course. but can i revert my hormones back to that of an energetic 18 year old? nope.

    i’ve had to learn to stop fretting over numbers – my exact weight, the size im wearing. i still want to loose a few lbs, but ive come to terms with the fact that i’m never going to weigh 115lbs again, probably ever.

    paige, you are lovely and as long as you love what you see in the mirror, that’s all that matters! personally, i cant take the stick thin willowy blogger gals clad in designer wear seriously anyway. its not anything i’m interested in. if i was, i’d open up a magazine.

  4. i think its nice that your being honest! some people are afraid of mentioning their apprehension at gaining weight but honestly we do all freak out a bit. i think its really about how MUCH we freak out…like if it becomes an obsession or something. anyways…thanks! and i luv that top BTW and that head band!

    ♥ thesoundoflace.blogspot.com ♥

  5. Ah, Paige, you don’t need to apologize. You don’t sound like a brat. You just sounds like almost every woman whose been told her best asset is her body. We all deal with it.

    You look super cute here regardless of your size AND that’s not the best part of you! Glad you are feeling comfortable in your own skin. I’m mostly there, though still working it out.

  6. Lady, don’t apologize! It’s great that you’re so honest and open about having insecurities, every person does. People just need to remember that everything is subjective, and while to someone else, a size 26/27 is nothing to have to come to terms with, it is to you. Just like some people might think I’m silly for being self-conscious and a bit insecure about my growing boobs (thanks, baby)!
    I’m glad you feel great about your body, and, well, I’m sure the man loves that booty!

  7. This feels great lady! My family -and I- have the same shape, larger bottom type, and I do freak out when I gain weight. After gaining like 6 kg (about 14 pounds I guess) while working too hard in front of the computer with no work out, I freaked out but realized that I just need to be careful, I can’t die for it, you know! It can go slowly or some parts may stay -since I’m 28, I have to accept those too… So this made me feel better. You know sometimes checking blogosphere makes me feel like I’m walking through the lives of surreal people, nice to see some real ones. Love :*

  8. Happy new jeans! I ordered a belt on Etsy last summer and was shocked to realize it measured 31″. And yet, I don’t feel big at all. Size, you have learned, is relative, but comfort is consistent.

  9. i totally agree. i happen to be smaller than i was 5 and even 10 years ago. but that’s because i run ALL THE TIME. but not because i want to lose weight, it’s just that i love it and i like to challenge myself by doing long races. i’m strange and i totally understand that. but, i have so many other hang-ups other than weight. and yes, things do change as you get older. you start to appreciate who you are under your skin and not just what is seen on the outside. because more and more, i am finding new things to love about myself. and that feels better than a dress size :)

  10. Aww I love this post! I sometimes wonder if the quest for good self-esteem/a wonderful level of comfort with my body will ever end…but I know I’ve made a lot of progress. Regardless of the scale, working out a few times a week now and eating better reminds me that I’m doing the right thing and thus am looking the way I feel I’m meant to.

    P.S. You look fantastic!

  11. First, you absolutely do NOT sound like a brat. I think these feelings and issues and adjustments are very real, no matter what size you are or how “big” or “small” you start out. i totally appreciate these feelings, and, despite having had them many, MANY times myself, am happy to report that blogging has all but eliminated the worst of them.

  12. I found your post at Morgan and Lua blog, and I have to say that it is too far from being bratty, this is a wonderful post that encourages other girls/women to have/grow some self acceptance.

    I have thought about all this myself, and even though at this point in life at my very happy age of 33 (and I say that proudly) I am the same size I was when I was 17. I was never ever stick thin, with small arms and small legs, I am what you could call ‘normal, average’ and I have always had small breasts, small waist, and a (although not bubbly) big butt and big legs.

    I always wondered if I was the only one with ‘big legs’ everyone else looked to me as though they had been blessed with feminine legs but me, maybe it is just an exaggeration of my own perspective on how I see myself, but that is how I have always felt.

    When I talk to myself about my flaws it is a never ending topic, I could just go on and on, but I have to stop myself and my own criticism of how I look or should look like.

    I workout a lot, but I also love food, and I think I manage to maintain a healthy image so I shouldn’t complain yet I still do. I am learning to focus on things that are more important about me, rather than the things that I don’t like. Life can be so beautiful and it is too short to live in constant criticism of oneself.

    Bravo for your post, and let me tell you that you are gorgeous, curves make you look more womanly, more wholesome, which is always much better to look at, from a male or female perspective, it is always more attractive and inspirational :)

    Thank you for the inspirational words!

  13. Truly inspiring post, I recently put on 2kg, and like you, some pants feel a little snug, and like you, i am not really so stressed out about it. I am embracing me, and I love me…
    You’re amazing Paige

    Keep in touch and KISSES
    Jemina
    XOXO

  14. I can definitely identify–I’ve been thin all my life (no hips, etc.) but in the past year my pant size has definitely increased. For the first time in my 27 years, I can no longer fit into the things I wore in high school. To everyone else I still looked thin, but to me this has been a hurdle to overcome. I felt conspicuously large for a while, but I’ve been getting over it, and learning the lesson that my body will change over time, and that curves ARE OK! =) Not just ‘ok’, but to be embraced. =) Thanks for the reminder.

  15. I totally agree on loving and accepting oneself. Blogging has really aided me in my eternal quest for self-love (that sounds naughty and like something I should NOT be sharing on the internets, but you know what I mean). ;) I really think that being able to take myself as I am (or mostly) has made my life so positive. I don’t always love myself the way I should, but I work hard at it and I think I really reap the rewards. I decided a long time ago that I won’t be so unhealthy as to hate and denigrate something with which I have to spend the rest of my life.

    So glad you’ve found the same peace with yourself. You really are a painfully beautiful woman and I’m glad that you know that. A little booty on a skinny girl is such lovely thing, too. ;)

  16. I think what you meant by “the sky is bluer than usual” is “the sky is not AS disgustingly filthy and brown as usual”. Leaving California was one of the best things I ever did!

  17. Curves are gorgeous, and YOU are gorgeous! Really size is just a number and I agree with you that feeling good is WAY more important.

    Funny you mention buying ‘new’ pants because I’m going through the same thing right now. It does feel like cheating on my vintage loves but there is something about a great fitting pair of pants that is hard to find on the thrift store racks.

    xo

  18. haha!!! My girlfriends and I all turned 30 this year and all have a circulating email (going on now- back and forth) talking about how we are starting to see those little fine lines by our eyes, and an occasional gray hair. We aren’t freaking about it- would rather it not be there, but not necessarily running from it either. It’s just the next step in life. This was a great post and a fun read- thanks :D

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