i do not like spiders. at all.
and they know this, so they find me and taunt me with their creepy, spiny little legs and quick, jerky movements.
i wish you could see the body convulsions and over-dramatic shivering i’m doing. every time my hair brushes the back of my arms, i believe there’s a spider crawling on me.
over the last couple of days, these arachnids have decided to terrorize me even more than usual. maybe i’ve killed too many and karma is coming back to bite me. literally.
so grab a cup of coffee and sit back and relax as i share my spider stories…
i head to the bathroom to break the coffee seal…
just as i get comfy on the potty, a freaking spider comes barreling straight at me! even in mid stream i stand up to dodge this creepy crawlies’ obvious intentions of scurrying up my leg and biting the inside of my thigh. as i’m doing a little dance to escape, panties around my ankles, my full bladder forgotten, the spider makes a quick move to the left and scurries up the wall.
whew. close call. i think the spider was just as stressed as i was.
he stopped for a moment (to catch his breath? to give me the evil eye?) so i quickly pulled up my pants, flushed the toilet and muttered, “jerk.” as i stepped out of the stall and into safety.
i’m at my desk. typing away. all the sudden i see something scurry across my desk.
my heart stops. oh no. it can’t be.
but it is.
a spider has crawled underneath my keyboard. i freeze, unsure of how to proceed. i decide to move it slightly, just to see where the little asshole is hiding. he moves quick, but in my frightened state, bump the keyboard and my ipod falls off the edge and…no joke…
lands right on the spider…like, pins it down!
i think it’s dead so i give the ipod a little flick of my finger…not dead! eeeeek! the spider gets up and hightails it to…
i don’t know where, but i let it go and continue working.
one of the financial advisors comes in and he’s covered in spider bites.
what?! what is going on here??
this can’t be happening. remember arachnophobia, the movie? it’s happening. spiders are taking over.
about an hour later…
a different spider crawls out from under my monitor stand.
that’s it! i’ve had enough. i call one of the other assistants over to my desk to tell her what’s been going on. she’s grossed out, too. says that she’s seen a few as well!
as we’re having this conversation, she looks up and there’s a spider hanging from the ceiling.
omg. are you kidding me? even though we’re horrified, we’re cracking up. tears in our eyes. but it’s still gross and creepy and i’m scared. legit scared.
fast forward to that evening…
taylor and i head upstairs to brush our teeth and get ready for bed…
he likes to tease me about spiders so when he says,
“mommy there’s a spider on your bed.”
i don’t believe him.
but sure as shit…there’s a spider, chillin right next to my pretty decorative pillow. i grab a flip-flop and demolish the little jerk, without hesitation.
for the rest of the night, i sleep in fear.
sweater – anthropologie
vintage scarf as belt – thrifted
vintage skirt – thrifted
vintage shoes – found at a garage sale
sunnies – a gift
so far today, no spiders. i’m keeping my eyes peeled, watching my back…
you better watch yours, too! ;)